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"Sometimes I wish they'd finally legalize weed, just so the stoners would have to find something else to talk about." - Kiko when asked about the importance of free speech
Kiko (/kɪi̯;kəɵ̯/ Greek: Κίκο) is a regular user of the Cutepost Central, and one of the most controversial additions to the band, as well as one of the oldest standing paragons of modern time.

Origins

On the 16th of September 1965, a meteor the size of a small meteor hit the University of Skopje's language department, instantly killing a young student with background radiation and logical fallacies. The meteor, looking for a place to stay, inhabited the student's corpse and continues to live through his body to this day. No one around him seems suspicious about his continued existence as a young student, but whether this is brought upon by people just being stupid, or Kiko killing all witnesses once at the end of every semester is still under debate.

Although not unfriendly to humans per se, the lifeform has trouble understanding their customs and traditions, and as such, often comes across as rude. In reality he is a sweet boy, don't hurt him.

Life and Career

Before Kiko knew how to properly engage with humans, little is known of his whereabouts and actions. It is written down in the almanacs of history that Kiko spent a large portion of his time using his absolute control over text to have a form of text-based sex with various gross strangers. These escapades have historically taken use of a large variety of instruments, including tentacles, bloodsucking, scalpels and floors.

As Kiko's young mind developed and expanded, these habits slowly died out and were replaced by a strong sense of self and belonging among the peers that he chose not to cum on. His further life was from this point driven forward by posting more and more shitty posts for people to laugh at. As his posts became increasingly elaborate (and shitty), Kiko eventually formed an entirely new personality, this time based less on sexual urges, and more on shitposts and memes. This ability to evolve completely from one entirely different form to another is a topic of extensive debate in the science community, where a rivalry exists among those who believe it was brought upon by peaking his previous personality, and those who believe it was brought upon by reaching a lowpoint.

Abilities

Kiko is hyper intel of gents and often uses this to his advantage in combat. While a majority of people has trouble understanding a single word or sentence he says, the hyper-geniuses of comedy who can translate his gibberish know of his infinite battle potential, and pray that it is never weaponized, as it would result in the destruction of earth, space and time. Additionally, Kiko has shapeshifting abilities, appearing on different occasions as a Watchmen character, a weird alien goat, a meme triangle, an anime vampire, and most commonly, a scary dog with human teeth.

While most of Kiko's powers manifest psychologically, it is known that he possesses the physical strength to throw a knife into the air, pull a gun out and shoot someone in the shoulder, and then proceed to catch the knife in the air as it falls.

Kiko is trillibilli-linguar, meaning he can speak a trillion billion languages (no more) fluently at any given time. This results in also being able to make fun of anyone from any culture, including his own and some that don't exist (e.g. Belgian).

Kiko

Kiko showcasing his many abilities.

Using these powers, Kiko developed an optimal shitposting ability that inhabits his spirit, and controls most of his actions. As time has passed, the shitghost has taken more and more control of his body, and in his more recent years, he cannot possibly function without it. This leads scholars to believe that his own soul is gradually being eaten up and replaced with one more efficient for shitposting, which would explain the fluctuation and variety in his behavior.

Interests

While Kiko shows little to no interest in most human forms of culture or art, he has taken a liking to three things in particular:

  • Movies
  • Music
  • Birds
  • Soccer

Out of these interests, Kiko seems to enjoy cinema the most, evidenced by his massive review collection. While some speculate that this is because it gives him a way to relate to humans, most experts agree that it's because the word "kino" reminds him of "Kiko", his self-introduced nickname. His interest in music seems to revolve mostly around the genres of "cold war core", "cuck core", "David Bowie" and "the Grease soundtrack". Kiko shows his interest in birds by keeping several of them in his cave, most prominently one called Major Tom (Winner of the Academy Awards' 2016 "Best Animated Shortfilm" category) and one who is actually an old witch in disguise.